Contemplations
by half-goddess-Katia
Summary: I'm supposed to be the big, bad fighter! I'm not supposed to fall in love! But I did, and with Ryotaro of all people. What a mess.
1. Momotaros

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Kamen Rider Den-O, it belongs to Shotaro Ishinomori who created it and to Yasuko Kobayashi and Shoji Yonemura who wrote it. This is simply for my own entertainment, and I make no money off of this.

**AN:** I wrote this a while ago (back in June/July actually, and the majority of this chapter while I was in Japan). I've been wavering on whether or not to post it since most people who might read this won't have seen the newest 3 movies, but I decided to since, while there are a few spoilers, there isn't anything majorly major in there, and I figured that Den-O needed a little love too after the past several weeks of just W fics.

**Warnings:** Cursing (it's Momotaros's POV, what else do you expect?), some slight shonen-ai, slight spoilers for the Cho Den-O trilogy (though to put it in perspective, if you've read the Wiki articles with the summaries you very likely know much more about the plots than what I put here), and a little bit of angst (I was in that mood when I wrote it), but I _promise_ that the second chapter ends on a better note and that it will be up ASAP

_**Contemplations 1 – Momotaros**_

I wasn't supposed to care for him this fucking much. I never really remembered (or cared about) our "purpose" as imagin; all I cared about was being able to fight and have a good time. I never factored those big, guileless eyes into my equation. I'm supposed to be the big, bad fighter dammit! I'm not supposed to fall in love!

But, fuck it all, I did, and with Ryotaro of all people. What a fucking mess.

It started off fine, I honestly figured I'd just make a contract with the first kid I found and use him to find a few good fights. It was my goddamn luck (bad or good depending on how you look at it – bad because I found him and fell in love, but good for the same reason) that landed me with the Singularity Point who didn't even know what he was. After the initial shock, I figured this was even better because now I could keep using this kid to fight! It didn't matter that my opponents were imagin (in fact it was better that way because they were stronger than the humans), all that mattered – at that point – was that I was able to get what I wanted, especially since my contractor seemed like such a pushover.

Ryotaro, though, showed more backbone that I thought possible when I first met him. Taking a fucking beating just to teach me a lesson sure proved that. Then he accepted that damn turtle into the fold as well, talk about a kick to the face. Not only did the brunette have a backbone when it was important, he also cared. He honestly cared about every fucking body: the fucking liar, the brat, the bear, and the goddamn bird. He even cared about me, the one who started the whole mess for him. What the hell was I supposed to do about that? Especially when I realized that I was starting to care too.

The whole incident with Gao was another sucker-punch that made me realize I wasn't quite as detached as I thought I was. When Ryotaro forgot about the imagin – about _me_ – it shocked the hell out of me. Beyond that, it _hurt_. I felt hurt and _lonely_ and all sorts of other things I hadn't thought I could, and it made me realize that I actually _did_ care about Ryotaro, no matter how much I denied it before. Then Ryotaro regained his memories, and everything seemed to go back to normal. That fact alone made me so happy that it kinda scared me.

But then the others started to disappear. As much as I know I bitched and complained that the train was too fucking crowded, when I thought they'd be gone forever I was upset. I had come to care for them too it seems. Then they reappeared, interrupting my fight – which, admittedly, wasn't going all that well – to form this _clusterfuck_ called "Climax Form." I know I had missed them, but _god_ it was hella weird to have all four of us possessing Ryotaro at once. Everyone was back again though, and, more importantly somehow, Ryotaro wasn't depressed and distraught and blaming himself for the others being gone when it wasn't his fault in the _first_ fucking place.

Then all that shit with that Yuto brat went down, and Odebu tried to join us – thank _god_ that didn't work out. Ryotaro started worrying _again_, this time about the other rider because of the damn Zeronos cards he used erasing people's memories – which is one of the most fucked up prices I've ever heard of.

After that, fucking Kai – who I _really_ didn't remember – showed up, claiming that he was the one who sent the imagin to Ryotaro's time, and the bastard tricked the damn brat into sending the DenLiner on what was nearly a suicide run – and would've been if the creepy ass Station Master hadn't stopped it. Ryotaro then promised to stop Kai – to his face...I know he'd have done it either way, but really...did he _have_ to put a fucking target on his back – and suddenly we couldn't possess him properly and started to disappear.

We hid it from his for as long as we could, but, Ryotaro being who he was, he found out and was suddenly torn on what to do – despite what we were all telling him. He tore himself up inside because he _knew_ he had to fight – that much was fact – but he also knew that, by fighting, he was effectively ensuring that the existence of a future where we imagin couldn't exist. It _hurt_ to watch him, and I tried damn hard to convince him it was alright. We knew that fighting to defeat the imagin would eventually lead to a future where we didn't exist. I didn't give a damn though, and I knew the others agreed for their own reasons. That more than anything else, though, showed me just how much Ryotaro had come to mean to me. Looking back and being completely honest, the only thing I gave a damn about was making sure a future existed for him, one where he could be happy.

Now, Kai is gone and so are most of the imagin. Since then it's been mostly clean up, but there have been some strong fuckers since then as well. Of course Ryotaro managed to get tangled up with every single fucking one of them. He doesn't seem to have a normal sense of self-preservation so someone has to look out for him, and at this point I think I care too damn much to give the job to anyone else.

So, naturally, when he managed to get himself kidnapped it scared the _shit_ out of me. I couldn't exactly fight the damn ghost imagin, not when the fucker kept de-henshining with Ryotaro's body as his host, and the bastard knew it. He fucking knew it and took advantage of that fact in order to shove a sword through my gut – which fucking _hurt_ by the way, even if I _am_ technically made of sand. Ryotaro came through though – as I knew he would – and pushed the fucker out just in time for me to possess him so that I wouldn't turn back into sand and disappear. Then, of course, we beat the shit out of the damn ghosts with some help from a kid who's supposed to be Ryotaro's grandson – and I'll be damned if that doesn't freak me out a bit, who wouldn't be if they met the future grandson of the guy they were in love with when they themselves were male too.

Then, of course, all the shit with Decade went down where I temporarily forgot what my body looked like and could therefore not _form_ it – talk about freaking the shit out of someone – and Ryotaro de-aged about ten years physically even though he was still mentally twenty-one. Of course, once I finally got my physical form back and got back to the DenLiner, I get shot back to the fucking past _and_ get mistaken for a goddamn oni. I mean what the hell? I look nothing like those fuckers! Ryotaro, naturally, made his way back to the past where I was – as expected because of, if nothing else, the massive oni infestation throwing off the timeline. I was _really_ fucking glad to see him either way. I think I might've actually clung to him if Kohanna-kuso-onna hadn't kicked me where I'd been shot earlier. That fucking hurt! We ended up beating the shit out of the bastard oni brothers in the end, though somehow the clusterfuck Climax Form also managed to include that damn toriyaro that time as well.

For some reason even Owner can't – or _won't_ – explain, Ryotaro has yet to return to his original age, and can you imagine how fucking weird it is to realize you're in love with someone who is technically and mentally twenty-one but whose physical form has regressed to pre-pubescence? Then we had _more_ fucking drama. Some creepy ass stalker made a contract with an imagin so that he could rescue Airi and become her "hero", and the imagin also managed to send the DenLiner rocketing through January 2010 so that no one could transform with Ryotaro. Or at least that would've been the case if I hadn't been tossed off the fucking train and been stranded for five months – because if I _had_ sought out Ryotaro and created some sort of messed up paradox, Owner would've kicked my ass off the train. I was so fucking happy, though, when Ryotaro _finally_ showed up because I was so fucking sick of living like a hobo with those yapping monstrosities, and because I just _knew_ that Ryotaro would've tried to fight even if one of us could help him. We did get to beat the shit out of the imagin once, though it was that Yuto brat who ended up finishing the pig-bastard off – and who also managed to _finally_ resolve the whole fucking mess with him, Airi, and his older self. Then, of course, _another_ fucking imagin shows up with a contract that let her take her contractor back to the past, and, during the fight, I somehow manage to sprain my fucking ankle! What the hell? Really? Though, at least that particular injury didn't transmit to Ryotaro as well so he could at least walk. That other brat Kotaro ended up taking care of the mess, and along the way we learned that he is _definitely_ related to Ryotaro since he managed to inherit the Ryotaro's luck along with the mantle of Den-O. There was some drama between Kotaro and Tendon that eventually managed to resolve itself – thank god since, knowing Ryotaro, he'd find some way to feel messed up about it if it hadn't, and I _really_ didn't want that to happen.

Then Daichi – or whatever the hell his name is – steals the DenLiner by finding the pass when I tossed it after charging my hisatsu attack. Fucker tries to kill his past self before he gets arrested by the other bastard calling himself G Den-O who appears out of fucking no where – literally. The cop bastard takes the pass from the thief then fucking arrests us – though kameyaro managed to stay out long enough to find out some of what the damn thief was doing in the past before he gets his own ass arrested. The thief steals the keys when the guards were distracted by the creepy ass Owner and breaks himself out before leaving the keys just out of reach – bastard. Then Ryotaro shows up – having managed to get himself fucking arrested – so that I could possess him and break all our asses out of jail. We end up helping the fucking thief bastard – because Ryotaro is just too damn nice for his own good – with what he was trying to do. Cop bastard shows up again – fucker – and kameyaro possesses the thief so that, between the two of us, we break the bastard's shield and beat the shit out of him. Then cop bastard shoots the thief – hitting both the past and future forms – and manages to change time, finding the letters he hadn't known his mother had left in the process. The cop goes soft and his fucking fake imagin goes berserk and becomes G Den-O himself. The thief bastard powers up with help from the cop, and we finally manage to beat the shit out of the fake imagin too. In the end, all the damn thief stole was Ryotaro's cup from the DenLiner, and things have gone mostly back to normal – whatever the fuck that is.

Sometimes I have to wonder, though, why Ryotaro is the one who always seems to be cursed with bad luck. All the really strong fuckers seem to find him, _and _he keeps trying to help every-fucking-body he can. I do know that Ryotaro will never change, though, just as I know he won't ever feel the same way I do – the fact that he has a grandson in the future pretty much fucks that over. The latter doesn't change anything dammit. No matter what it takes, I just want him to be safe and happy. So I'll just keep quiet and continue to be his friend and guardian even if it tears me up inside to watch him eventually find and fall in love with someone else. After all, what the fuck else can I do when I love him so damn much.


	2. Ryotaro

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Kamen Rider Den-O, it belongs to Shotaro Ishinomori who created it and to Yasuko Kobayashi and Shoji Yonemura who wrote it. This is simply for my own entertainment, and I make no money off of this.

**AN:** Here's the second half of Contemplations, this time from Ryotaro's third person POV. I finished this a while back as well (sorry it took so long to post, I ended up getting distracted by Fall Break here).

**AN2:** On another note, I found it interesting that, as I was writing the same storyline from a different POV (Momo vs Ryo), different parts of the stories stood out depending on which person's POV I was looking from. I hope it works though.

**Warnings:** Slight shonen-ai, some spoilers for the Cho Den-O trilogy (though to put it in perspective, if you've read the Wiki articles with the summaries you very likely know much more about the plots than what I put here)

_**Contemplations 1 – Ryotaro**_

Ryotaro had to wonder sometimes if his luck was even worse than many claimed. It wasn't because of all the random accidents that seemed to be drawn to him like a moth to the flame, those he considered the normal brand of bad luck – even if he did get more than his fair share of it. No, it was because he'd managed to fall in love with the _one person_ who was _least_ likely to feel the same. Ryotaro sometimes cursed the fact that he'd just _had_ to fall in love with Momotaros.

Ryotaro wasn't even entirely sure when it had happened either. At first, the red imagin had been an occasionally irritating and rude guest with a soft heart he kept hidden – though it had most certainly shown itself when the red imagin had been willing to let Urataros stay after said blue imagin's false tale. The brunette hadn't noticed any real changes, though, until _after_ the incident with Gao. He'd been so upset when Urataros, Kintaros, and Ryutaros had disappeared, and the thought that, maybe, one day the same could happen to Momotaros as well scared him. Without really even realizing it, Ryotaro had come to care for them like _family_. He didn't need anyone to tell him how _stupid_ he was probably being because he already knew – they were _imagin_ after all, and he was _supposed_ to be _fighting_ them to prevent a future where they existed. In some part of himself, Ryotaro _knew_ it was foolish to get attached as it could only lead to pain, but it was already too late and the brunette could never bring himself to regret it.

Then Urataros, Kintaros, and Ryutaros all reappeared, and things had gone back to normal – or as close as it ever got – and Ryotaro had been so _relieved_. Everyone was _back_, and everything was _fine_.

But everything _wasn't_ fine. Soon Momotaros-tachi couldn't possess him properly, and Kai showed up claiming to be the one in control of the imagin, the one trying to destroy humanity's future and replace it with the imagins'. Then he discovered one of his worst fears – the one he'd tried so hard to bury after what happened in the aftermath of defeating Gao – started to come true. His imagin – his friends, his _family_ – were disappearing. With every battle they won – they _had_ to win to save countless innocent lives – those Ryotaro had come to care about were disappearing, and the thought of losing them – of losing _Momotaros_ – terrified him. Ryotaro had tried to protect them, tried to make sure that – at the very least – they weren't responsible for destroying their own future, but Momotaros – his protector, his best friend, and the one person he could never fully resist – refused to stand back and not fight, refused to _let_ Ryotaro shoulder the burden alone. What was he supposed to do when he knew he could never deny the red imagin?

Then the final battle came. Kintaros – the big brother – left to fight, sending everyone else ahead without him. Urataros – the smooth talker – lied to them then sent them ahead while he stayed behind to fight. Ryotaro tried to make sure Momotaros – the one he'd come to care for the most, the one he just _couldn't_ lose – didn't, _couldn't_, do the same by wishing that they could fight together until the end, but even that didn't work. They got separated, and Ryotaro was left to defeat Kai – the one who wanted to destroy his future, humanity's future, and yet the one who had also allowed him to meet some of the people who had become so important to him. Kai attempted, again, to completely destroy the timeline, failing because of Hana, and Ryutaros – the playful child – finally overcame his fears to help them fight. Then Momotaros, Urataros, Kintaros, and even Sieg showed up, bless Naomi-san and her mischievous side, to help them fight. And it was over, with Kai and his imagin defeated by the combined attacks of the Momotaros-tachi, Sieg, and Zeronos.

Ryotaro had thought his heart would stop when he turned and the imagin were _gone_. Despite expecting it, the shock and sheer heartache that gripped him when he'd thought they'd disappeared forever had sent him to his knees. They were gone – _Momotaros_ was gone – and it was, to some extent, his fault.

But they weren't gone. Everyone was still there – somehow – and everything was alright. He ran over to them – he had to make sure they were actually there, _he_ was actually there – and tripped, falling right into their arms, and the feeling of all his imagin holding him was the most wonderful sensation he had ever felt – they were alive, they _weren't gone_. He was still not completely over that one, Ryotaro didn't think he ever would be able to forget that fear.

Kai disappearing didn't end their fighting though. Far from it actually. First there was the whole thing with Kiva and Negataros – the latter looking disturbingly like Momotaros in imagin form with a bad dye job – and, of course, his own his own imagin decided it would be loads of fun – read _trouble_ – to pretend to be policemen, culminating in Ryuta arresting a large number of people – using _his_ body, thank you very much – and just generally causing havoc. Seeing Momotaros possess someone else was certainly interesting and invoked a variety of emotions from Ryotaro – everything from some jealousy (Momotaros was _his_, his best friend, guardian, and – hopefully – eventual romantic partner) to slight lust (yes he looked a bit different from what Ryotaro was used to, but it was still Momotaros).

Then there was the whole mess with Shiro, and his _grandson_ from the future came to rescue him – how that was actually _possible_ was still a bit of a mystery to Ryotaro as he had already figured out that he was not only gay but also in love with Momotaros, though the brunette suspected Urataros and his _tendencies_ had something to do with it. It had nearly killed him when the ghost imagin possessing and suppressing him had shoved a sword through Momotaro's. Thankfully the shock and outright _fury_ gave him enough strength to shove the ghost out and have Momotaros possess him just in time to save said red imagin. It had been a close call, though, and he _still_ sometimes woke up in a cold sweat after a nightmare where he _hadn't_ been in time.

Then Decade started world hopping, which messed with the timeline in his own world. Consequently, Ryotaro woke up one morning to find himself roughly half the age he'd been when he'd gone to bed, and no one other than the DenLiner crew (his imagin included), Kotaro, Teddy, Yuto, and Deneb seemed to notice. He'd been forced to dig out the old clothes they _hadn't_ thrown away (of which there were, thankfully, quite a few as onee-san had hoped to pass them on to their children), and he'd stowed away the clothes he _had_ been wearing, to his great frustration. It wasn't until after he'd finished _that_ that he realized he would, very likely, have to grow up the hard way again. Thankfully he didn't have much time to dwell on the implications of that (such as any consequences to any possible future changes in his and a certain red imagin's relationship) as he had to first _find_ all of his imagin – who had been blasted back into two different points in the past – and then defeat the oni brothers with the help of a younger Yuto – who was, unsurprisingly, just as stubborn and occasionally childish as the older one Ryotaro knew. It was only in the brief break afterwards that he was _really_ able to think about it. With his body the way it was, he may have to go through elementary, middle, _and_ high school again, and even if he didn't (he hoped and _prayed_ he didn't, once was enough) he _would_ have to go through puberty again unless they figured out some way to re-age him. _That_ would not be fun. Having his hormones go out of control the _first_ time was hard enough – even when he'd been too busy to really notice the appeal of _either_ sex – and he was _not_ looking forward to going through it _again_ when he _knew_ he was in love with Momotaros.

Ryotaro was _extremely_ thankful when he was again distracted from those particular thoughts. This time an imagin made a contract with a guy who was obsess with onee-san and who wanted her to fall in love with him when he "saved" her – though Ryotaro knew his plans would never work, beyond the love onee-san still obviously help for Sakurai-san and his younger counterpart Yuto the guy was a total coward and couldn't bring himself to save her from dangerous situations _he_ had put her in. Yuto managed to kill the imagin before onee-san could get hurt, though, and he _finally_ straightened out the really odd sort-of love triangle Ryotaro had watched form between Yuto, his older self who had disappeared, and onee-san. Then they had to rely on Kotaro to defeat the imagin who had dragged her contractor to the past _after_ putting both Momotaros and Ryotaro out of commission battle-wise, and there was a lot of drama with Teddy disappearing if he stayed around Kotaro – and, _god_, did that bring back the memory of old fears along with old nightmares of the time when his imagin (including _Momotaros_ with whom he had _just_ realized, at that time, he was falling in love with) where slowly disappearing before his very eyes. Thankfully, though, everything worked out for them as well. _Then_, the thief Momotaros had mentioned in passing after the incident with Decade put in an appearance and stole the pass and, with it, the DenLiner before getting himself _and_ the imagin all arrested by a guy claiming to be G Den-O with the time police – Ryotaro wasn't entirely sure _how_ that worked, but odder things had happened. Then he helped Momotaros and the others break out of jail before also deciding to help the thief, Daiki, change the timeline so that G Den-O might stop chasing them – it was a noble cause underneath it all, really, wanting to return the letters he had inadvertently stolen and ruined in the past. In the end, Kurosaki (G Den-O's actual name) found out the truth about his mother and Diend – that Daiki had been trying to save the letter she'd sent him – and, after his imagin went insane, gave Diend the power-up to help Ryotaro and Daiki defeat the imagin acting as G Den-O.

Overall, despite the fighting and threats, Ryotaro had to say that meeting his imagin – especially Momotaros – made it all worth it. Their relationship may not progress beyond what it currently was – because the dark haired Rider _knew_ that even if Momotaros felt the same way the chances of him _ever_ making the first move were very slim, the red imagin could be surprisingly quiet about some things – but Ryotaro also knows that he will always treasure it. Who knows, depending on how things continue to change, he may one day have the chance to tell the red imagin and see if they might be able to build something more after all.


End file.
